88. St. Scholastica Riot, Oxford England, February 10, 1355

In this postcard from 1907, the riot in Oxford has been over for a while, which is why no one in the picture is trying to kill anybody else, and the king has decided what to do, which was to issue a charter giving the university more power, and to make the town pay a fine every year forever and ever (which turned out to be until 1825). Here, the chancellor is reading out the charter to a group of townspeople. Nobody is there to represent the university, which we know because no one is dressed in clerical garb. Cause surely the artist would know to differentiate them. They would, right? Sure.

Sometimes students riot, maybe because of tuition hikes, or because a coach got fired for a sex abuse scandal, or because their team won a game, or because their team lost a game, or because the university became integrated, or because the government is moving into authoritarianism, or because the government already was authoritarian but is getting worse, and sometimes because the pub gave them bad wine. In the last case, around 100 people might just end up dead. Welcome to Oxford, 14th Century! The St. Scholastica Day Riot lasted for days, some of the students were scalped, university buildings were looted, there was a whole bunch of bell ringing, and the king got involved. Worst student riot ever. Hands down.

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87. King Philip Augustus Fakes a Genealogy, Paris, France 1194

Here we see Philip II being crowned King of France (Grandes Chroniques de France, early 14th century). He will marry Ingeborg of Denmark in 10 years, and make her life unhappy. Also, he will create a fake genealogy, and medieval genealogy is difficult enough without fake manuscripts roaming around.

Philip, the King of France, married Ingeborg of Denmark, and it would have been a really great political alliance, except that after the wedding night Philip wanted out.  So he asked the pope to annul the marriage, saying that it hadn’t been consummated, on account of witchcraft, and he sent Ingeborg to a convent. But Ingeborg said the marriage HAD been consummated, and the pope wouldn’t annul the marriage, so Philip had a genealogy made up showing that his marriage to Ingeborg violated canon law because they were too closely related, since Philip’s first wife had been Ingeborg’s first cousin once removed, but it was a fake genealogy, Philip’s first wife being Ingeborg’s fourth cousin once removed, and nobody believed it. They eventually got reconciled, after the wife that Philip had married bigamously in the interim died. So there’s that. Michelle got so interested in the idea of using witchcraft to make husbands impotent  (in the middle ages of course, not now)  that she ordered a book on it, so we can look forward to that.

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86. Henry VI, Holy Roman Emperor, Does Various Bad Things, Germany, Italy, and Sicily, 1169-1197

Here, Henry VI, Holy Roman Emperor, as he appears in an early 14th C. manuscript; he is Holy Roman Emperor, King of Italy, King of Germany, and King of Sicily. He will die while getting ready to go on Crusade. But he had survived the Erfurt Latrine Disaster back before he was the ruler of anything, so there’s that. (Codex Manesse, Cod. Pal. germ. 848, University of Heidelberg)

Sandwiched between two legendary Holy Roman Emperors — his father, Frederick Barbarossa, and his son, Frederick II — Henry VI, who was not legendary, and who died at the age of 31 (his dad died at 67 and his son at 55; lots more time to rack up legendary activities), nevertheless managed to acquire a nickname  — “The Cruel” — in large part because of his belief in the efficacy of torturing political opponents in public. Besides discussing Henry VI, Holy Roman Emperor, Anne explains how many Crusades there were and why Henry was all set to go off on Crusade #3 1/2 when he died, and Michelle is delighted to tell you ALL about that time when Henry didn’t die, with the rest of the nobles at a meeting, when the floor broke and they all fell into the cesspit. Well, Henry didn’t. He was either hanging onto a window or having a side meeting in another room. She’s got a poem, too, written in Latin. But she reads it to you in English.

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85. Eorpwald of East Anglia is Murdered, East Anglia c. 627

This is a reconstruction of the helmet found at Sutton Hoo, made by the Royal Armories for the British Museum. Eorpwald didn’t wear this helmet, but we believe his father did. The murder of Eorpwald was definitely a True Crime. So he’s a legitimate subject for our podcast. And he’s connected to Sutton Hoo! Cause, his dad! Even better.

Eorpwald, the ruler of East Anglia c 624, after his father died,  converted to Christianity because Edwin, the Deorian king, converted to Christianity, and managed to connect pretty  much the entire eastern coastal kingdoms of England.  So that lasted a few years, but then he got assassinated, on account of having converted to Christianity, and East Anglia became pagan again for a while. Eorpwald, the first ruler in England to be killed for being Christian, was therefore a martyr, and a saint. His murder is our crime, so we talk about that, but really, Anne gets to talk about Old English runes and the Norfolk Lavender Farm, and Michelle, to her great delight, gets to discuss Sutton Hoo, and really, that’s why she put Eorpwald on our list.

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84. Melisende, Frankish Queen of Jerusalem, is Falsely Accused of Adultery, Jerusalem 1134

In the original version of this 13th century French image of Melisende, Queen of Jerusalem, her husband Fulk is on the other side of the Patriarch, also getting crowned, but we are annoyed at Fulk, so here is Melisende. Just Melisende.

In 1134, Melisende, the Queen of Jerusalem, who had, as a child, been raised to be the Queen  of Jerusalem all by herself, was sharing the throne with Fulk, her husband, who did not like sharing.  So he tried to get rid of her, by accusing her of adultery with her cousin Hugh of Jaffa, which was not a thing that was actually happening. And when Hugh fled (on account of not wanting to be in a duel with a guy bigger than The Mountain in Game of Thrones), Fulk sent somebody to assassinate him. The assassination failed, but Hugh was badly hurt, and the Council of Jerusalem, which had been very happy with Melisende as queen, and thought Fulk was some snooty newcomer from France, supported a palace coup, and Fulk really did not have much power after that. We discuss the badnesses of Fulk, and explain why, although Melisende ruled for 30 years, she hasn’t been discussed much until recently. (Spoiler alert: Victorians. As usual.)

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83. Hugh de Lacy is Assassinated, Durrow, Ireland 1186.

There exists an early drawing of Hugh de Lacy, drawn by Gerald of Wales, but I am not giving you Hugh, but a view of Trim Castle as it currently exists, because the truth of the matter is that this episode has Hugh de Lacy in it, but he is an excuse for discussing Trim Castle. (Photo by Laurel Lodged)

Hugh de Lacy, one of the Anglo-Normans who was sent to bring order to Ireland (where the Anglo-Normans were having  a lot of trouble), was inspecting the military installation he was having built at Durrow (where St. Columba had previously built a monastery), when he was murdered by one of the Irish who wanted him dead, by being hit on the head with an ax. So there you are. There is your crime. We discuss this, yes we do, but really we are discussing Hugh de Lacy because he built Trim Castle, and Michelle really really really wanted to talk about Trim Castle. So she does. We learn a lot about Anglo-Norman castles, really. But Anne still wonders about where the best place to hide your murder ax might be, because under your tunic just does not sound right.

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82. Arthur of Brittany Disappears, Rouen, France c. 1203

Before King John actually disappeared his nephew, by killing him, or having him killed, by some unknown but often imagined method, he ordered Hubert de Burgh, the seneschal of Chateau de Falaise, where young Arthur was being held, to blind and castrate him. But Hubert just couldn’t do it. There are many depictions of Arthur getting murdered, on account of his youth and being all pathetic, but in the depictions of Hubert deciding not to mutilate him, Arthur is even younger and more pathetic, and so we provide this image for your delectation. (William Frederick Yeams, “Prince Arthur and Hubert,” 1882. Held at the Manchester Art Gallery.)

In 1199, when Richard the Lionheart died, there were two possible claimants to the throne of England — his younger brother John, and his nephew Arthur. John was a bit over 30 years old; Arthur was about 12. John, the youngest surviving son of Henry II, was by Norman law the rightful heir. Arthur, the eldest son of Geoffrey, John’s older brother, was by the laws of Brittany, the rightful heir. Also, John was in England and Arthur was in Brittany. Also, John was the person who was, well, John. Ruthless, is what he was. You can guess who it is who won, especially since you’ve already heard of King John and Arthur of Brittany sort of fell through the cracks of history. Except that the French really like him, and wrote a bunch of plays, and the Victorians loved him bunches because he was so pathetic. Michelle explains all that.

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81. Johannes Ryneken is Executed for Adulterating Saffron, Nuremberg Germany, 1444

In 1514, Henry VIII gave the town of Saffron Walden a charter, and the saffron that the town grew was so important that saffron crocuses show up on the left hand side of the charter. This has nothing to do with Nuremberg, or Johannes Rykenen, but Anne really loves Saffron Walden and so here we are.

By the 15th century, Nuremberg was making a reputation and a lot of money out of being the main saffron import location in Europe. So the town burgesses took it very seriously when spice merchants sold saffron that wasn’t fully saffron, but had various other things added to it. Very seriously indeed. So seriously that it was possible to be, as Johnanes Ryneken was, in 1444, executed for being a very bad spice merchant indeed. Anne especially enjoyed this episode, because she got to talk ALL about saffron, but Michelle was Quite Annoyed at the lack of scholarly citations. Also there was all that German. But there were some historical novels! With saffron!

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80. William de Marisco is Executed for Treason, London England 1242

Matthew Paris tells us the story of William de Marisco, and helpfully also provides illustrations — here, de Marisco is being dragged from Westminster to the Tower of London, July 24, 1242. This is from Paris’s Chronica Majora, which he finished in 1259, on account of no longer being alive.

The de Mariscos were a family that continually got into trouble, on account of continually misbehaving. When William de Marisco was executed at the Tower of London in 1242, it was ostensibly for attempting to have the king murdered, but since he’d also been pirating from the Isle of Lundy, and murdering messengers, he was going to end up being executed at some point anyway. Besides explaining the de Mariscos, we have two rabbit holes! Anne is fascinated by the Isle of Lundy, and Michelle is fascinated by Matthew Paris, and really, there’s a lot going on in this episode.

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79. Snorri Sturluson Is Assassinated, Reykholt, Iceland 1241

Here we see an illustration of Snorri, by Christian Krogh, from an 1899 edition of Heimskringla. Has anybody made an illustration of Snorri getting assassinated in his basement? They have not. Your host finds this annoying. But versions of Snorri himself — that we have.

Snorri Sturluson, the great Icelandic poet and historian and lawspeaker of the Althing, got involved in Norwegian/Icelandic politics, and it ended very badly. For him, for one thing, as the king of Norway arranged for 70 men to stab Snorri in his basement, and for Iceland as well, which devolved into chieftain battles and eventually unified with Norway, and the Norwegian king became the boss of everything. The Althing still exists, though, and Iceland is independent now, and Snorri is one of the most influential poets of the early middle ages. We explain all this. Anne still wonders why you need 70 people to stab somebody in his basement, and Michelle is shocked, shocked, I tell you, that there isn’t any historical fiction about all this, though she is slightly mollified by the fact that there is now a Snorri ap, for Android and IOS. Well, then.

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